The Great Big Bagel Debacle


I was mega-busy this morning with The Fake Scale campaign (deets coming soon, peeps, and a gazillion thanks to the ladies who have come forward to co-captain the mission). Because yesterday was no-helper day, I got abso nada done and I really need to get the logo sorted. Argh!! I should also launch a campaign to get Don to agree to a second helper. It’s just ridic how much I have to do on Sundays. Cleaning the juicer is shear hell, and I’m sposed to do that at the same time as supervising the irritants!! How, might I ask?? Don, of course, does not feel my pain. 

I was v busy with #thefakescale for a good 36 minutes, but then I had a brunch date at Sacha’s with the Expaterati girlies – some friendses, some not so much. The meet-up wasn’t until 11AM, and although it’s only a little walk across the street for me, I had to leave home an hour early, to take the long route and get lots of steps in. I’ve joined up with some of the girlies to compete on getting our daily Fitbit 10,000 steps, and I knew they’d be at the brunch. Frankly, I’m not doing so well. I’m only in the lead most days because I put the damn thing around Froo Froo’s leg when the helper takes her out, or some nights I just wave my arm back and forth a lot. Cheating like that isn’t part of my modus operandi and must be doing untold damage to my chi : (

So I knew I’d be seeing the Fitbit gang, and I abso had to get my numbers up. Expat wives can be so competitive!! Ugh. I did quite awesomely though, arriving at Sacha’s with a lovely healthy glow, in my hot gym gear. Some of us ladies can really rock the gym bunny look, while others, unfortunately, can’t rock any look. That’s what I was pondering while air-kissing the assembled wife tribe. A couple of the not so much friendses had obviously made an effort to look their best, but ouch!! If I wasn’t so busy, I would become a fashion consultant for expat wives. I did a weeklong course once on iconic looks for tropical weather at the London College of Fashion, so I’d be fab at it.

The brunch was fairly fun, with everyone saying how brilliantly I’m doing to keep coming out on top with the steps, but then emerged: the bagel debacle.

Doom and Gloom Wifey started to critique the bagels, saying that it’s so difficult to find a decent bagel in Singapore, and that there just doesn’t seem to be a genuine New York bagel anywhere. “It’s absurd!”, she said, “We’re only 10,000 miles away from NYC. It’s 2015! We should be able to get anything everywhere! How hard can it be?!”

Ever the voice of reason, Flo responded, “Babe, I’m sorry, but what’s the big deal? This place uses proper Jewish recipes, and the bagels here are amazebobs. You’re not from New York. You’re not even American!”

“Well you’re not even Jewish!”, D & G retorted. God, she’s rude.

“No, but neither are you!”, Flo said, looking a bit flustered by that point, but only I could tell. You have to really know her because her face gives little away.

“No, I’m a Buddhist who knows a shitload about bagels, so screw you!”

O. Em. Gee.

I wanted to intervene, but my mouth was full of Reuben. Before I could say something wise to rescue the situation, D & G had picked up her gigantic LV handbag (this season! so jelly of that bag!!), saying, “I’m late for an appointment”, and swooshed away. Oh dear. I hate to take anyone off my awesome Facebook page, but that kind of behaviour is just intolerable. It’ll only get worse. She has to go.

12 thoughts on “The Great Big Bagel Debacle

    • Totes totes crazyballs.
      Gotta rd your post from today asap. As Stella, like Milly, is a fashionista, would you be interested in joining the co-captain team for The Fake Scale when I get it off the ground? I could really use a U.S. Ambassadress!
      EJ x

      • What is the this fake scale? Is that some cool thing that tells me I weight less than I do? If so, im in. If not, im still interested- I just don’t know what it is! Lol

      • Welly, I wrote about it in my post “Getting Things Off My Perky Expat Chest”, but I put it right at the end, & stupidly the post is way too long for people to read. Doh. Gotta stop doing that…

        Have also raised it on my FB page, Expaterati Global, with a scary YouTube vid about photoshopping.

        It’s a campaign to have a rating icon put on images in the media that shows how fake they are – how much they’ve been manipulated – so that our little people like Stella & Milly (but us big people too!) can look at a photo & see straight away how fake it is. So 1 on the scale is lightly airbrushed, & fake-scale 5 is mega-manipulated. Whadyareckon?

        EJ x

      • Yay!!

        So I’m just getting the icon done by an awesome graphic designer, & then I’ll do a demo using a super hot photo of me, & then I’ll post a strategy for the co-captain team. Any thoughts at this stage v welcome. If Stella has any thoughts, totes lemme know!

        EJ x

  1. A Fake Scale sounds great – but is an anonymous, fictional, very arch blog the place to launch it?

  2. Pingback: Expat Wife Fashion Go-Tos | Diary of an Expat Somebody

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