Fabulous weekend, babeses! Hope you too. The highlight was that on Saturday night I had the mahusiv honour of partying with the most hottestest guys in Singapore. It was my gay BFF CJ’s bday par-té, and serioso peeps, the finest gentlemen in town were there. I went with a single straight Expaterati sista of mine, and crazy upon crazy, she totes failed to pull! What now, now?! Bizarro because the chicos majorly outnumbered the chicas, so the odds really should have been in her favour.

Bday babe & blonde boobtastic DJ. I brought CJ a cutting of my fabulous bush as a gift. Who wouldn’t want that?!

I danced on a stony stage (a raised foliage section in CJ’s awesome condo) with two mega-buff guys, dressed as bunny rabbits. Thank phew I planned my choreography so precisely in advance or I’d have looked ridic!! A ton of people asked me afterwards if I’m a professional dancer, so I’m totes thinking that all those years of childhood tap classes finally paid off. Yee-haw!!

Dancing with bunny hottie

I know, my choreography was incrediblé

I had fabulous chats with so many beautiful hot-skis. I met a dude from the business end of PS Café, but he could neither confirm nor deny that they’re planning to name a dish after me: the Eggspat Somebody, perhaps. It’s likely to involve eggs. Beyond that, it’s totes hush-hush.

Somehow I ended up in the pool, floating majestically on an inflatable swan with one of my Expaterati girlies, and a Divine Youth from Guildford who had the dulcet tones of an actoooor. (We can’t have crossed over at RADA as he was at least a decade my junior.)

Painfully, I couldn’t attend the after-party because the next day was helper’s day off, and on top of that, Max has started displaying rage towards Froo Froo dog. It was bad enough with the Millster, but Don texted me at midnight to say: “Come home now, Max is awake and beating up your stupid dog”. Rude.

So as a good parent, and a good dog mutha, what else could I do, but make haste to my glamorous Emerald Hill shophouse home..?

When I got there, everyone, Froo Froo included, was fast asleep.

Well, happy birthday, CJ! You ARE the most majorly smokingest hawtie on the island of Singapura. Even the moon blushed for you that night.

If any dear readers were at the party and got pics I can add below (with facial blurrage), please tweet them to me @expatEJ

My natural red hair looked fabulous. Thanks, keratin!