Beginner’s Guide to Brix @Hyatt @Scott’s @Singapore

brix_logoI have been looking forward to going to Brix for a long time, since hearing what a yo-yeah! it is, and last night I finally got around to it. Ladees, if you haven’t heard of it, ask your husbands. They will know it, even if they’ve only been to Singapore “on business”. It’s a club in the basement of the Hyatt Hotel, and I’m told that it’s a lot like its counterpart in Seoul, JJ’s, for any Seoulite dear readers. (Aneyo haseyo! I see you on my stats page!!)

Maybe it’s a Hyatt thing, and not just Seoul and Singas. Let me know if you have further info on this, from other global Hyatt locations.

What’s awesome about Brix is that the music is great for dancing, and everyone there is super duper friendly. I’d heard that was the case, so I wasn’t surprised when men of all ages, nationalities, and creeds said hello, and wanted to chat. How lovely : ). I spose I wouldn’t have been surprised anyway, because I have a mahusiv glow about me this week, and I looked incrediblé hot in my faux leather black boustier mini-dress with zips up either side. Flo told me I should wear that (she has been to Brix tons of times so she knows) and she was absolutely spot on. I fitted right in.

I noticed that there were a whole bunch of single women there, and they were super duper friendly too. It was just like being back at my old university nightclub in the 90’s, except here in Singapore, of course, no illicit substances. No thank you very muchly!! And that made the friendliness even nicer because it must’ve been genuine, without all the synthetic stuff.

Given the precedence of its reputation, I can well understand that some ladees of my calibre might feel reluctant to visit said venue, but I am here to tell you now and tell you straight: Ladees! Brix is a fab night out.

So in order to facilitate your enjoyment, here is a five-part 101 guide:


1. What to Wear

According to Flo, and I have to agree based on experience, it is a good plan to dress as hotly as you can. In order to blend in, my advice to sistas is small tight clothes, killer heels, a huge smile and generous eye contact. You’ll meet some really nice chaps.

For the men, I dunno really. It didn’t seem to matter how shabster the men looked. There were women fawning all over them regardless of their appearance. Hashtag funny, that.


2. Getting In
Unless you are staying at the hotel or you’re an oligarch (and argh, how uncool are oligarchs!!? So 2008), you will have to wait in a queue (Americans: a line), which will make you feel like you are back at school. While you’re in this queue/ line, you will be entertained by a string of single ladies who saunter back and forth, looking friendly. So sweet. What I found fascinating about these women was that, while I myself make every effort to avoid the VPL, they apparently uniformly embraced visibility of the panties through their garments, regardless of quite lumpy outcomes. Extraordinaire! It was as if they had deliberately purchased dresses two sizes too small. Lol. Now, why on earth would anyone do that?? Maybe they have really crappy personal shoppers.

To go in, you pay $30, and for that you get one free drink. Not too shabby!


3. The Lay of the Land

The layout is essentially a big square room with impressively low ceilings. The bar is in the middle, and there are tables and stools surrounding the bar, and more comfortable seated areas at the edges of the space. Beyond the bar, diagonally opposite the entrance, is the dance floor – an intimate area, completely dark unless the band is playing in the tiny cave-like stage at the far corner. It’s probably a lot like where the Beatles used to play in Liverpool when they were starting out.


4. Exploration

If you are a woman, I advise you to explore the powder room before you need to. It is full of women in various states of undress who will either eye you up suspiciously, or spontaneously give you a massage in intimate areas. At first I thought it was weird, but the gals were so nice about it and I’d had a few drinks, so I was like, “Ok babes, if that’s what floats yer boat!!”

Afterwards, I was a tad taken aback when my two friendly masseuses followed me out of the loo and suggested I could pay them straight away or Don and I could go “upstairs” with them. What now, now?? I wasn’t sure what to do so I gave Don the lowdown about what had gone down in the powder room, and he handed each of those nice women $50. I still don’t know what that was about.

If you are a smoker who would like to kick the vile habit, the Brix smoking dungeon is the way ahead. Make your way into the glassed-off room to the rear left of the entrance. Therein you will find such a high concentration of carbon monoxide and of men pawing ladies’ lower regions that you are likely to never want to smoke again due to what you have inhaled and witnessed.


5. Have an Awesome Time!

This is the easy part. Make you way to the dance floor and let loose. Should you discover, upon returning to your table, that your husbands are surrounded by single ladies, your men will most probably make a great show of their connection with you, suddenly demonstrating unsurpassed levels of interest in your bodily self. And if that’s not a nice way to end an evening with your one and only hus, I don’t know what is.


So I hereby give Brix @Hyatt @Scott’s Road @Singapore five EJ stars of fabulousness. Boom!


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