Halloween

Awesome Fun-ness

/ Emma-Jane Austen-Jones / 1 Comment

I can’t write as much as I want to today because I am virtually on my knees from the mad social whirl of it all. This is such a busy time of year for the expaterati. It’s this period between Autumn (that’s Fall, Americans) break and Christmas when people aren’t travelling, and the “Social” section of my iCal is just bursting at the seams.

Hence my exhaustion and hurry! I went to an amazO brunch yesterday which lasted for 13 hours!! So I’m rather the worse for wear now, and have to dash off shortly to a pool party with Max and Milly. (OMG I haven’t told you that I resolved my stressful pool towel issue!! I ordered some from Orla Kiely in the UK. Awesomeness! More original and quirky than Lacoste, but still identifiable as premium designer goods by those in the know.)

Well, I say people aren’t travelling, but Don is, of course. Cape Town. So he missed my fabulous Halloween party. Which I KNOW you’re dying to hear about!! And I’m dying to tell you! But I’ve totes got to run, so I’ll give more deets mañana. Just a quickie highlights summary now.

So: I can quite comfortably say that the party was a ma-husive, unmitigated, rip-roaring success. Everyone said I did an amazing job. I got a ton of glowing feedback, and every time someone told me I was great, I did my really pretty Kate Middleton smile for them, and said that it was all down to my team. Bullshit of course. Those post-menopausal do-gooding hags were utterly f’ing useless. Especially Michelle.

The money we raised with the raffle surpassed my wildest fantasies. We had some lovely prizes which my team had extorted from their husbands. Canadian Cathy got us two nights in one of the Four Seasons at the Maldives worth $25,000 (flights and breakfast not included); American Amy donated a whole street of properties in Detroit, Michigan; and half-Lebanese Lana wangled first class flights with Emirates to Abu Dhabi. The ones with the onboard child-care! Whoop-whoop : )

After the raffle, we had this super interesting live interview with a guy in Sierra Leone who runs an Ebola call centre. I was able to tell him how much money we raised, and to reassure him that a vaccine is well on its way, thanks to me.

The best part of the night though was spending time with Will. More on that later, chaps!!

Unusual Encounter at the Gym

/ Emma-Jane Austen-Jones / Leave a comment

It has been a rainy coupla days in Xīnjiāpō. Gravity feels like someone has turned the knob up, and it has been quite a challenge to maintain one’s usual high levels of productivity. Needs must, though, because the Ebola Halloween party is nearly upon us, and my team and I still have an awfo lot to do.

At least my costume has arrived. It really suits me. I would’ve made a good nurse. Or maybe more a doctor. Here it is:

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I can’t believe people actually believed the other sexy Ebola nurse costume online was for real. Come on!! It’s totes tasteless! There are just so many hoaxers on the internet these days.

Despite the rain and the heaviness and the party, I managed to muster the energy for a good canter on the treadie. Can’t have the saggage setting in! I’m a bit low on exciting treadmill chunes right now. My gym playlist badly needs up-dating (suggestions plz, dear readers!!). There’s nothing interesting on TED Talks other than Esther Perel, and I’ve already memorised every Tony Robbins talk available on YouTube.

So, I had to watch CNN. Also useful because Don and I are going out tonight, and it will be handy to have something to talk about. Then I began to wish I hadn’t watched it, because there was this awful story about how Chinese people can now also catch Ebola. This is really scary news. There are a lot of Chinese people. Argh.

Thank goodness we have raised close to S$200,000 in ticket sales alone for Friday; and that’s before the raffle, which should double that figure. Hopefully that will be enough to hurry up and get that vaccine sorted out. I mean, what are these medical people doing?? Guys! We’re in a bit of a rush, here!!

After my run, I did a few push-ups and planks to keep the armpit sag and bingo wingos at bay. A tall Caucasian guy came over while I was doing them – I had clocked him earlier on the treadmill directly behind me – and he started doing push-ups and planks too. With quite a bit of grunting, and loads more reps than I can do. After stretching, I got up to leave, and he got up too. Then he said, “You inspired me”. Hmmmmm. What, now?!

I was somewhat taken aback because people don’t usually talk to each other at the gym, right? So, I blurted out, “Yes, it’s a very heavy day today”. He grinned, and held the door open for me, while I wondered wth I had meant by that. I’m a mystery at times, even to myself. Because I didn’t know why I had said that, I made a quick dash for the changing rooms. True story!!

Splashing my face with cold water, I looked at myself in the mirror. I did look quite hot, so perhaps he was coming on to me. Was he?

Then I noticed that I was wearing my new MILF tshirt I got in Chinatown the other day. I wonder if that had anything to do with the unusual encounter.

Life Has Given Me a Lemon

/ Emma-Jane Austen-Jones / 2 Comments

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I’m feeling good, but bad today. Good because this morning I started a wonderful new ritual that everyone should really do. Every morning when you wake up, you have luke warm water with a squeeze of lemon before you eat or drink anything else. It has always seemed a bit of a challenge, but now that I have done it once, I feel certain that I can integrate it into my nutrition intake schedule. My grandmother has been doing it her whole life, and she is 103! So, there’s some actual evidence for you!

I’m feeling good about that.

BUT the bad news is that even though the Mrs Expat Singapore website clearly shouts these words:

The search for Mrs Expat Singapore 2014 is now on!

… this is, in fact, a shocking distortion of the truth. In fact, registration closed on the 21st of September, 2014. So, that puts me right back where I started : (

It’s lucky that I have integrated the lemon water into my life, or my good/bad balance would be v much tipping over today. Then again, can I be sure that it is fully integrated? The thing is, I am so busy most of the day (Halloween Ebola Fundraiser tickets are sold out!!). I’m concerned that I might not be able to keep it up.

It has baffled me for years, but I have just realised why it is that Asians, well, Northern/ Chinese Asians, get so much done all the time. It is because they have much more manageable hair than other races, including mine and Rrrrrrrrrrra-shon. They don’t have to invest a ton of time straightening it (it’s straight), or dying it different colours (it’s black), so they can spend that time working towards their plan for global domination. Genius, right? Now you know.

Genius, but not fair at all. They should incur some sort of penalty, just for their race, to even it out a bit.

Ebola Halloween Fundraiser! & Mrs Expat Singapore!!

/ Emma-Jane Austen-Jones / 6 Comments

I cannot apologise enough for leaving you hanging, dear reader(s?) (hello Mummy!! Lolol, that’s still funny, isn’t it??). Since Don got back I have been quite busy because him being here means there has to be a meal on the table most nights, rather than me going out for dinner with the gals, or grabbing a quick poached chicken breast at home. So, I have to put a ton of time and energy into scouring recipe books and websites to do the menu planning for the helper. Plus, if I’m in an Ottolenghi mood (love, love, LOVE Ottolenghi!), she often needs the ingredients explained to her (yawn), AND I need to tell her exactly which specialist shops in the various corners of the island to go to.

The other reason I’ve been so outlandishly busy is that I have been organising an Ebola fundraising Halloween party, in my capacity as Events Chair of the Singapore International Women and Trailing Spouses Association (SIWTSA). The response has been phenomenal, even with the ticket price at $600 per head. I think everyone is as excited as I am about the theme of Ghoulish and Ghastly Disease Victims. My idea : ). The Expaterati are positively a-spew with excitement on Twitter. Such a great idea of mine. It’s a wonderful way of raising awareness about a really terrible illness, even if it’s only Africans who can get it.

Anyway, because of all this, I haven’t had a second to myself. Until today, that is, when I went for my colour (though I am a natural redhead), and keratin treatment (an anti-frizz must in Singapore – just ask Vicks Beckham about the ravaging toll this climate takes on the coiffure). As I sat there for four hours, I allowed my mind to wander, and I found that it wandered to… Michelle’s husband. He has sent me another message in the interim: “BTW, please call me Will. That’s what my good friends call me. Michelle calls me Bill lol.”

I didn’t answer, but I thought it was quite a sweet message really. Will is a much sexier name than Bill!

Then I thought about Don, and how he doesn’t say sweet things to me, or listen to much I say. Like the fundraiser, for example. He has shown abso no interest when I’ve told him all my exciting and highly creative plans for the event. He just says, “Yes, dear”, and changes the subject. Plus he’s away for the actual party, so he isn’t even coming. He told me where he’s going, but I can’t recall.

I realised that I was feeling something I haven’t felt for years. Not since the days when I used to have a job. I realised that despite all the things I am busy with, I am feeling bored. Which is depressing, and I refuse to feel depressed (hmmmm, maybe it’s time to relocate to a different country). Not my modus operandi! Depression is for people who have no control over their lives, like that doom and gloom expat wifey I met the other day. People call it an illness, but come on! Ebola, now there’s a proper illness. You don’t see great parties, fund-raising for depressed people, now, do you?? No! Because they would be crap, miserable parties.

When I got home, I tried on the dress I’ll be wearing to the Melbourne Cup in a few weeks. It’s still a little tight around the waist, but there’s time. I looked in the mirror, admired my lovely hair, and had one of those powerful epiphany moments when I realised that I actually look fantastic. I do get a lot of male attention, but I’ve always chosen to ignore it. It’s only since “Will” (awwww) has turned up that I realise my confidence has taken a bashing from all these years of being Yes Deared by Don. I see now that I have been hiding my not insignificant light under a bushel.

And I know what I need to do about it. I need to take control.

Yes. So, I am going to enter the Mrs Expat Singapore pageant! In fact, I am going to win that thing!! Or at least come second. (Or third.)

I have a frock picked out from the Paragon already. Take a look at this tangerine triumph, dear reader!

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One last piece of news (I is on a roll today, innit??). I think the Gucci bag Don got me in Dubai is a fakee. Oh, Don : (